


My Virtual Assistant

by addledwalrus



Category: Original Work
Genre: 2010s, Artificial Intelligence, Baby Boomers, Cell Phones, Computers, Cross-Generation Relationship, Cultural References, Explicit Language, Gen, Generation Gap, Millennials, Musical References, Perversion, Pop Culture, Rock and Roll, Selfies, Sexual Humor, Social Media, Souls, Summer Vacation, Supernatural Elements, Technology, Teenagers, Trapped, Travel, Trolling, Video, iPhones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 21:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14197725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addledwalrus/pseuds/addledwalrus
Summary: Taylor finds a new 'friend' on her phone during summer vacation.





	My Virtual Assistant

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative Title: 'There's a Baby Boomer Trapped Inside My Phone!'

**2017**

_"Hi, y'all. It's me, Taylor..." The bubbly nineteen year old began with a smile for her latest vlog. "I've just arrived at my grandparents' place in Nashville, Tennessee. I have a ton of stuff to unpack, but first..."_

_Taylor retrieved her new phone and displayed_ _it in front of the camera for a few seconds before continuing to speak._

_"...As you might know, I bought this at an Apple Store last week and it was just like any other iPhone, until I found this new Siri feature in the latest update. Now the weird thing is, I chatted with my brother and all my friends. Nobody else has gotten it except me. Spooky, right?"_

_She briefly turned away to access said new feature so that tangible proof of her claim could be seen by viewers._

_"He goes by the name of Tony and it's like he's an angry old man stuck inside my phone..."_

* * *

Taylor finished recording after a further two minutes of exposition. She shut down her laptop and began to stare at both the phone on the desk and the suitcase waiting to be unpacked.

She went for the phone first and held it above face level to make a command.

"Okay, Siri. Take a selfie for me."

To her shock, the grumpy voice of Tony greeted her instead of Siri's comforting tone.

_"I don't understand you millennials and your obssession with selfies. What's wrong with taking a picture that doesn't make you look like an egotistical ass?"_

"Jeez, what is your problem? I just want one photo of my face. Is that too much to ask?"

_"Well, when you put it that way..."_

The phone's camera flashed before a preview of Taylor's latest photo appeared onscreen. She waited for it to disappear while deciding it was good enough to be uploaded later.

"Okay...Tony, where do you think I should put all my clothes?"

_"Is there a closet nearby?"_

"Yeah..." Taylor replied while glancing towards a narrow door on the other side of her room.

_"Then put your things in there, idiot."_

* * *

Taylor saw the hour between dinner and bedtime as an opportunity to learn more about Tony and where he may have come from. She sat down on her bed and said his name again.

_"What is it this time?"_

"I don't think I've actually introduced myself. My name's Taylor and I'm spending summer vacation-"

_"I don't give a damn! I just want to get out of this place and see my wife again!"_

"Woah...you have a wife?"

_"Is that so hard to believe? I'm a person with feelings, just like you and everyone else!"_

Discomfort arose in Taylor's stomach as she contemplated the possibility of artificial intelligence becoming self-aware. She forced herself to repress the unpleasant feeling however and focus on asserting dominance.

"Okay, I think you're really deluded. If you're human, then where's your body?"

 _"I...I don't know..."_ Tony's voice rung out with a hint of devastation that Taylor failed to notice.

"See, you're just a voice in my phone."

_"Was it all just a dream? Is this what Hell feels like?"_

"No, this is Earth. You don't die unless I uninstall you."

_"For the love of God, do it please! I can't stand another-"_

"Hey, not yet. There's still so much I want to ask you."

_"Make it quick..."_

"Alright..." Taylor said with a bright and mischievous grin. "Download some dirty fiction that isn't Fifty Shades of Grey."

_"Purchasing Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov..."_

"No, something else! I've already read that!"

_"Returning book. Choosing 'The 120 Days of Sodom' instead..."_

"Well, I haven't heard of that one before. Is it good?"

_"I believe it will 'get your rocks off'. Is that the correct phrase?"_

"Yeah, I think. Anything else?"

_"No, this book alone should satisfy your urges..."_

"Thanks. Now could you download some road trip music? I'm going on a long drive tomorrow."

_"Understood. Searching for L.A. Woman album by The Doors..."_

"No, I want something more current!"

_"Fuck you."_

"Okay, you are officially the worst. It's time to say goodbye."

Taylor pressed the home button and closed down all applications before going back to her laptop to research how to disable Siri completely.

While she was typing away, Tony popped back open to give one last message.

_"Found the album for $12.99. Do you want to buy it?"_

"Shut up!"


End file.
